Airline Announcements

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announsments a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 4 ways out of this plane.

We do feature a smoking section on this flight. If you must smoke, contact a mombe of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.

Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatorie will be asked to leave the plane immeadiatly.

Pilot - " Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude, so I am going to switch off the seat belt sign. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. it's a bit cold outside, it's a bit cold outside , and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern. "

After landing; " Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed talking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker. " Whoa Big Fella. "

Weather at our distination is 50 degrees with som broken clouds, but we will try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money more then Southwest.

Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them as our compliments.

As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children.

And from the pilot during the welcome message: " We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunatly none of them are on this flight."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attandant came on the intercome and said, " That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airlines fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the Attendants' fault.... it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having ato fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendantannounced, Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Amarillo, Pleas remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastned while the Captain taxis to whats left to the gate."

Another Flight Attandants comment on a less than perfect landing: " We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a " Thanks for flying XYZ airline: He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eyes. Finally everyone had gotten off except a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, " Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am" said the pilot, " What is it? " The little old lady said, " Did we land or were we shot down?"