I am a weirdo magnet

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no matter what I do, I am a weirdo magnet. Nope, there’s no denying it. Just ask my friend Cory. I seem to have this invisible target painted on me that I’d hoped would go away with time, but sadly it has not. People used to follow me. Not in any good way, say to follow my example. Nope, they followed me hoping to get lucky. I had to threaten one guy with shoving a video tape up his ass. He ran.Ahem…
And when they weren’t following me they were telling me the details of their sex lives, like I really friggin’ care.
You see… Doesn’t matter where I go, they find me. I seem to be a pervert magnet too. Doesn’t matter the sex, male or female, they find me too. If you’re weird or a pervert, I have no doubt, you’ll find me. (That was three comma splices in a row, but I’m on a rant here. So bite me. No no, not you, pervert! The grammar guy.)
My God, what am I doing wrong? I seem to attract the most needy people in the world also! Emotionally, speaking. Case in point, I received a message on my My Space page, from some guy who was literally wife shopping. He told me he found my profile " So Interesting." I thought maybe I could head him off at the pass, so I told him about my weight problem, that usually scares most of them off. Not this time, he proceeded to tell me how his first wife cheated on him and he didn't realize it til she asked for a divorce, then went into his needy spiel. There has to be something wrong with that guy, and why would he think that I would even consider being his wife? I should have threatened to shove something up his ass too, but then again he'd probably like it.
So y'all have a Blessed Day, and if you have any suggestions on how I can turn off the weirdo beacon...PLEASE let me know.