When I was an infant, I was adopted by a great set of parents. I am so fortunate that they wanted me. I still contend that I have the BEST dad in the universe, noone can top that man. As it happens many times, parents of adopted children often have biological children afterwards, mine fall into that catagory. My sister is 5 years younger and my brother is 8 years younger . Sometimes they forget that we don't share the same gene pool, and it dosen't really matter to them, I'm their sister none the less. They are all I've ever known. My mom and dad are the ones who made sure I was loved, had proper shelter, proper clothing, a good education, sat up with me when I was ill, and into adulthood were at the hospital with me when I had various sugeries, or when I was ill. How great is that??? I've heard the saying you can't pick your family, I am fortunate enough to say that my family picked me.
The same goes for the extended familys, meaning aunts uncles and cousins. In fact some of my cousins on my dads side of the family didn't realize I was adopted until well into our adult lives. At first they didn't believe it because I resemble quite a few family members, and I have many of their personality traits too. But the fact that I'm adopted dosn't bother any of them, they love me, I belong to them, I'm part of their family.
I never wanted or needed to know the people who created me, though I am grateful I'm here. To me, all those people are, are the sperm doner, and the egg doner/ incubater that created a human being. Nothing more.
Growing up I knew that the egg doner/incubater and her family lived in the area, and I also knew that my moms sister knew who that family was, which always bothered me. I never really trusted my moms sister because of it, and I never liked being around her anyway. From a preteen age, my gut feeling was, that she was prolly feeding them information about me.
Now I'm going to back track just a bit to tell you this so the rest of this blog makes sense to you. I work for a chain of "family" grocery stores in my area, in fact my brother, and several uncles and cousins work there with me at various locations. The store has expanded from 1 store in 1960 to over 20 stores today. The grandsons of the original owners work there too, how cool is that?
Now on with the rest of this blog.
My gut feeling was realized in my early 30's I came to know that I was being stalked by an insane man who claimed to be my " Real " uncle. A so called uncle that I never wanted.
This was his term not mine.
It makes me wonder how many other members of that family have stalked me in my lifetime. That is scary stuff when you think about it, and people have gotten police orders against them for it.
Not only did he know my name, but he knew what I looked like, knew where I worked, and he was going around to various employees proclaiming to be " Diane's real uncle." he even went up to my uncles who worked at that particular store and made that insane statement. I can only imagine how uncles - brother in laws of my dad - felt. I certainly know how I felt, and I know how my parents felt also.
I was maddened, at that persons actions, he not only violated my right to privacy by knowing my information, but my familys right to privacy also, by revealing my personal life to other employees in my work place. My personal life is just that, until I make that decision to reveal it to you, it was my decision not his. I also consider him cowardly because he was able to approach everyone else but me. I didn't even have the choice of telling him to not interfere with my life!!
Anyway I knew how this so called "real uncle" got his info. MMMMM HMMMMM, my moms sister. I had called my mom and told her about it, I also asked my mom to call her sister and have a talk with her, because if I'd of done it, I would have been less then nice to her. I was told my moms sister made a phone call to one of those people, but it was a little to late, the damage is already done. I don't really don't have much to do with my mom's sister, because obviously I can't trust her and I also can't be bothered with her, the best I can do is be cordial to her at various family functions. I do that out of respect for my mother, she unfortunatly couldn't control what her sister did, so why make more bad feelings because if it.
But my advice to parents who have given up children for adoption, leave well enough alone. Have faith that your children were provided with a better life then you were able to give them, and that they are happy, safe and well. Sometimes wanting to " know" causes more harm then good.
*** Update on the interfereing "Real Uncle"***
Wilbur Malerich, the " Cowardly Uncle" passed away on August 25,2011. I only hope that you have answered to God for your unwanted interference in my life and made amends for your selfish actions.
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