Why do we always come here?
This we'll never know.
It's kind of like a torture,
to have to watch the show.
Statler and Waldorf of the Muppet Show
Torture in a relationship, be it in the form of family, friendship or a romantic relationship is not for me. Do I like the way it feels? NOPE!!! Not at all.
Love in any of the above mentioned forms is not supposed to hurt. In fact, I've been known to distance myself from those who I recognize ans haveing the potential to cause harm and/or discomfort to me. I don't like it, and I don't need it in my life.
Yet I have watched people torture themselves in very unhealthy relationships, shake my head and wonder why they continue them at all. A perfect example is my friend Ruth, whom I've been friends with for well over 30 years. When we first met, she was married to the mother of all jackasses, and to this day the man is still a creatin. He mentally and physically abused her, he cheated with other women, and virtually drank away alot of his income, not to mention his drug use.... ooops I mentioned it. For what it's worth, his adult children from his previous marriage won't have anything to do with him.
Fortunatly after 15 years ( which was 15.5 years to long ) Ruth divorced the mentally unhealthy human being she called husband. The sad thing is, after 10 years, she still can't break ties with the jerk, she still lets him walk all over her. I know one of her neighbors is interested in starting a relationship with her, but it won't happen because she lets her crazy ex husband come around, and she lets him take advantage of her good nature. Her stepsons and I have pleaded with her time and again to not let him come around, but she still lets him. None of us can understand why she continues to put up with him.
In the mean time, I will try to be a friend to Ruth,and pray for her well being.
2 comments:
Coming from an abusive first marriage. I thought often, Why did I put up with it? What was so good about my marriage to make me want to keep it? Nothing. I tried to do the right thing and stick to the "til death we part" but I realized it might be sooner than later for that because of the treatment.
I realized once I was divorced I still let him control me, by being terrified of him. Once I let it be known I was ready to meet my maker and he no longer controlled me, he left me be. Thank goodness.
Continue to be her good friend, because no matter how everyone else wants her to walk away from having anything to do with him, she has to be the one to want it the most and do it. It's hard to see it though happen over and over again.
I will pray for your friend too! Hugs to you!
Martha
Thank you for sharing.
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