Wrongs Your Parents Told You

When we all were growing up our parents told us things like : Think of those poor starving children in India. [ To which Johnny answers, "Fine, send my spinach to them." ] , You're going to put your eye out with that thing! Eat those carrots, they're good for your eyesight. You never see rabbits wearing glasses, do you? I'm sure those of you who are parents, have said the exact same things or something similar.

Well today I'm going to try to correct some of the things parents universally told us, so here we go.....

1) There is no Santa Claus.

On December 24 1896 Santa was making his usual deliveries, when a heavy fog set in. Unfortunately Rudloph didn't switch over to his low beam, which caused Santa and his sleigh to splat right into Mt Kilimanjaro. There hasn't been a Christmas delivery from the North Pole since..... Your parents have been filling your stockings. SURPRISE

2) There is no Tooth Fairy.

In 1949 the beloved Tooth Fairy cashed in all the gold teeth she collected over the years, turned in her Tutu, bought an Island in the South Pacific, and has been living La Vida Loca since. Your parents have been putting those coins under your pillow, and Lawd knows what they do with the teeth that fell out of your mouth. SURPRISE AGAIN.

3) There is no Easter Bunny

Picture this, the Easter Bunny is making his rounds with the Chocolate, Jelly Beans and Hard Boiled Eggs, when WHOOSH, he got hit right in the Easter Basket with an arrow. The offender was that rogue little Eros thing called Cupid. He took that bunny's basket out in one shot. The poor bunny was so traumatized he's spent the rest of his days in Mr McGregors cabbage patch with a drinking problem. Guess who's been giving you all your Easter goodies?

4) There is no Cupid.

Ever since he bagged the Easter Bunny's basket, he's been on the hunt ever since. Cupid was last seen chasing the elusive Peter Cottontail - first cousin to the Easter Bunny -and Bugs Bunny- Uncle to both Peter and the Easter Bunny - like Wile Coyote chases after the Road Runner..... Hallmark has taken over Valentines day. Shocking isn't it?

The Elves have been sighted Via Satellite on the Tooth Fairy's island cavorting and carousing like there is no tommorow. Elmer Fudd and Marvin the Martian, were also spotted on the same island. They seem to be having more fun in the sun and looking up the native ladies grass skirts then antagonizing that Wascally Wabbitt.